There is much to say about a woman's period and how it has an impact on the lives of women across the world. This is my path to accepting, understanding, and loving my period.
I have had some time to really contemplate my period. I have spent most of my adolescent years dreading it and cursing myself for having been born a woman made to endure this monthly painful expulsion from my aching ovaries. I remember my first period and the brown streaks on my underwear. No one had really prepared me for it. I changed my underwear every few hours and then hid the dirty ones in the bathroom cabinet behind the toilet paper. I figured that if I were to hide it away and not tell anyone, let alone acknowledge it myself, then it would go away. However, it didn’t and in the days that followed, it became more painful and the brown streaks turned into a vibrant red when I wiped. Finally, I secretly went into my parent’s bathroom and took a few pads from my mother’s stash. They were big and bulky and I soon chaffed from them rubbing against my inner thighs. When I ran out of pads, I had to confess to my father what had happened, crying to him that I was “no longer his little girl.”
As I grew older, I tolerated my periods. And until I had my first ovarian cyst rupture, I didn’t think too much of them. At this point, I was placed on Depo Provera to help manage the cysts and magically my periods disappeared. I spent the next ten years on this birth control and when I finally went off of Depo, it took me over 11 months to get my period which was frustrating since I was trying to have a baby. It took me an additional 2 years to conceive. From baby to baby, from breastfeeding to breastfeeding, I didn’t have a “normal” period as they were sporadic and sometimes altogether absent. Now that my babies have grown and my breasts void of milk, I am back to having my periods much like I remember them in my youth. But now, there is a greater sense of appreciation. I have come to finally accept them.
Why this change? It didn’t happen overnight. I have had some time to really reflect on it. Recently, our landlord’s daughter had come visit from Spain and during her time home, she held a workshop called “A Celebration Day for Girls”. It is a workshop that was designed specifically for girls ages 10-12 years and their female caregiver. It was developed by Jane Bennet “to support girls and mothers at this special threshold in both their lives and to provide an affirming, grounded and connected celebration of the journey to womanhood.” (You can find their website here: A Celebration Day for Girls)
Having two young daughters, I was interested in learning more. I wanted to be a part of their ‘journey into womanhood’ and to provide them a positive, reinforced perspective that will nurture them during this very confusing time. But how could I be a part of something that I hadn’t yet come to terms with. I despised having my period where I still felt as if it was some secretive dirty part of myself that happened to me every month. Thus began the soul searching.
Although I had been keenly aware of how women are treated around the world during menstruation having both researched it and seeing it on my travels abroad, I hadn’t really made the connection to using this knowledge to embrace my own period. Let me explain by first highlighting some of the issues surrounding menstruation.
In Nepal, periods are considered taboo. Women are often banished from their homes every month to privately bleed because they are considered polluted or “impure”. This practiced is referred to as “Chhaupadi”. During menses, women are confined in a separate hut or animal shelter where they are barred from eating certain foods and are restricted from going to school or taking part in daily activities. A menstruating woman is believed to bring bad luck. A New York Times article, published on June 18, 2018, details this real struggle women have in this country and how this practice has lead to deaths of young girls.
New York Times: “Where a Taboo is Leading to the Deaths of Young Girls” by Jeffery Gettleman
In other parts of the world (and also prevalent in Nepal), young girls who are menstruating often do not attend school during this time and some even drop out once they begin menarche or their first period. A UNESCO report, published in 2014, highlights the magnitude of this problem:
“Many myths and taboos still hover around menstruation and lead to negative attitudes toward this biological phenomenon and women experiencing it. After menarche, girls are faced with challenges related to management of menstruation in public places. UNICEF estimates that 1 in 10 school-age African girls ‘do not attend school during menstruation’. World Bank statistics highlight absences of approximately 4 days every 4 weeks.”
This accumulation of missed school days add up over an academic year. If we do the math, supposing that a child attends school 10 months of a year, she is likely to miss at a minimum 40 days. How are students expected to maintain their education when they have missed over a month of material.
Closer to home, we {the Westernized “we”} are still uncomfortable with this naturally occurring process. Rup Kaur in 2015 posted a menstruation-themed photo series on Instagram which was repeatedly removed or censored. I find one of these images particularly powerful. It shows Kaur on her bed with a visible blood spot on her sheets and clothes. It went viral and although many praised her for the work, she also received death threats and criticism. This reinforces that we still have a long way to go in our acceptance of this “biological phenomenon”.
Huffington Post: “About That Period Photo that Broke the Internet”
Although I would be the first to denounce the stigmas and taboos associated with menstruation, I had still harbored my own feeling of shame and disdain for my own periods. When mulling over why I had such this disconnect, I began to wonder where these deep-rooted feelings originated. What I came to realize was that I had been bombarded with negative images of my period my entire life. The first experience I can recall is being told from my mother at a young age that this is something women must suffer.
I also remember an incident in puberty that helped to cement this idea that my period was dirty. Because I didn’t want to stain my white underwear, I had resigned myself to wearing the only black underwear I owned for the entire week while menstruating having little knowledge of personal hygiene as a pubescent girl. When changing my clothes in gym class, a strong odor permeated from my supposedly “clean” underwear. Although I was wearing a new pad and had changed my pads regularly, the black underwear which appeared unmarred had masked the blood that had saturated and dried along the sides and back over the days and nights of prior wear. I was embarrassed when one of the girls who was changing next to me commented that it smelled 'fishy' in the locker room. I knew it was me and I was embarrassed. As I grew older, conversations around menstruation usually revolved around how inconvenient it was. Women would often lament that they needed to plan their weddings and vacations around their periods. In short, I had learned that my periods were unsanitary, shameful, insufferable, and inconvenient.
Now as a mother of two little girls, I wanted to change the dialogue into something positive. My six-year-old just recently asked me about “diapers” she had found in my bathroom. I took the opportunity to talk to her about menstruation. I told her how this is a common experience for all women to bleed every month and that it is a gift. I explained that one day she too will have a period and will need to wear these 'special' diapers. That answer seemed to suffice as she then began to rifle through my nail polish collection carefully selecting one for me to paint her fingernails.
It is in this moment it all changed for me and when my period came that month, I didn’t secretly curse it, but instead embraced it. I took the opportunity to marvel at the beauty of my own body, one that could and did bear children. It also helped to remind me of my own womanhood, one that is not solely based on this one aspect but that encompasses the entire journey where I have learned to embrace my own sexuality, learned to be comfortable in my own skin, and learned to appreciate that as a woman, I have unique strengths and capabilities.
When searching online for other women’s stories, I came across this collection of photos posted on Refinery29. One of the photos features a quote from Jeanette Winterson from her book, Written on the Body.
“When she bleeds, the smells I know change colour. There is iron in her soul on those days. She smells like a gun.” The photographer, Steph Wilson, then goes on to explain that “periods are sexy…”
I also found organizations like Days for Girls who are changing the way periods are perceived worldwide by turning them into pathways “through women menstrual care solutions, health education, and income-generation opportunities.” Other organizations like periodpositive promote menstruation education that ”counteract[s] the frequently negative public discourse about periods.” Overall, I am proud to join my own voice with these fearless women who are working to demystifying menstruation. Period.
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